Patterns, Patience, and Personal Growth
Reflections from a Season in the Costume Shop
I returned to The Rev early this summer, filled with excitement to join an incredible lineup of shows and to work alongside some of the most talented people but what I wasn’t prepared for was how much I would be stretched beyond my limits, and how deeply this experience would push me to grow not just in my craft, but in who I am.
Our final show, Bonnie and Clyde, has opened, and now the focus shifts to cleaning up, reorganizing, and preparing to head home. This last production was relatively simple and light on workload, making it the perfect opportunity to rest and recharge after a demanding few months.
When I first arrived, I wasn’t in the best place mentally. I was weighed down by the anxiety and anger stirred up by the fracturing of our society. I was afraid to leave home, yet I also desperately needed to be surrounded by creative souls, immersed in theatre art, and embraced by a community where I could feel safe.
My contract started a month earlier than the rest of the crew, which gave me time alone to settle in and sit with my thoughts. On my first morning here, it snowed. And in my quiet hope for some sign that I would be fine, I chose to see it as a good omen.
I knew I would be okay the moment I stepped into the costume shop. It felt as if no time had passed since I was here last summer. The warmth and kindness from Tiffany and Ashley—the costume designer and wardrobe supervisor—made it feel like coming home. I was back in my element, and for the first time in months, I felt a deep sense of comfort I had been missing.
Over the following weeks, our team arrived one by one, and by mid-May, we were fully up and running, knee-deep in our first production of the season. As much as I was thrilled to be back doing what I love most, I was also quietly battling waves of loneliness and separation anxiety. It was a strange kind of torment; sewing brought me so much joy and purpose, yet being away from the ones I love most weighed heavily on my heart.
Aside from one new face, everyone returned from last summer. Last year, we were just getting to know each other, learning one another’s rhythms and work styles, sharing glimpses of our lives, all while doing our best not to ruin the entire show. This time around, we already knew each other and had been through this before, so we knew what to expect. What we didn’t know was that Tiffany, fully aware of what we could do, had already mapped out a plan to leverage our skills to their fullest. We were about to be challenged, and we had no idea.
Individually and as a team, we were pushed creatively and emotionally. We were inspired to stretch our abilities, grow our skill sets, and tackle obstacles we’d never faced before. And in the end, we delivered some of our finest work yet. Tiffany later told us that she had designed the costumes for each production with full confidence in our abilities, knowing we were capable and would succeed.
I hadn’t realized how much I needed that. Because no matter how skilled you are, it’s easy to become stagnant over time when you’re not being challenged. I’ve always been confident in my ability to handle any build assigned to me, but there’s a difference between knowing you can do something and actually doing it successfully. Also, I was fortunate to be able to work with a leader who has experience and real-world expertise, who generously shared her knowledge with me. Growth truly begins with someone who has more to teach, and there’s only so much you can teach yourself.
When I was here last year, it was an adventure. I wanted to see everything, go everywhere, and soak in as much as I could. This year was different. Work was busy, and all I really craved was peace, quiet, and staying close to home. Still, I made it to NYC for a day like I’d hoped. Amara, who grew up there, was my tour guide, and I got to see so much of the city that it felt like a fever dream. We started in the Bronx and ended at Coney Island, seeing everything in between. And yes, I had a Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog while walking along the pier, and it was delicious.
I also spent a lot of time in places where I could see nature. I saw waterfalls and took on a few hiking trails where I almost died. There are a lot of lakes in the area, so on some days I took peaceful walks just admiring the beauty of upstate. One place I kept going back to was a small ice cream shop that overlooked Owasco Lake.
This was my favorite place to go. It was quiet and the perfect place to sit, reflect, and just breathe. I thought about how much I missed my pets and how badly I wanted to be home. But at the same time, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the chance to be here, doing the work I love so much. This experience was something I could never get back home.
I even started going to the gym with some of the girls from the costume shop. For a while, I was consistent, but once tech week hit, I’d end up back at square one every time. Starting is hard for sure, but keeping it going was even harder. And though I’ve slowed down since then, I’m still trying my best to keep going.
Keep going. That became the quiet mantra I repeated to myself several times a day. With the constant stream of bad news in the media, I had to push myself even harder to stay focused on my work. I started to notice that my problem-solving felt slower, especially when it came to the patternmaking process. That may be also why I was so tired most days. I was using more mental energy to stay grounded. I had to.
I think one of the reasons I struggled this year was that, even though I was constantly in a creative mindset for each show, I didn’t create the space for myself to be creative in my personal time. Last year, I was making mini garments for a little dress form and designing pieces for myself to wear, which kept my passion alive outside of work. But this season, the workload was intense and the country was falling apart around me daily, so by the end of the day, I was just too tired to sew anything. This year, I only made one thing. A little Mexican dress to represent my culture. And looking back, I realize now just how important that personal creative time was for me.
In the end, this season gave me many moments of pure joy and creative fulfillment that I’ll never forget. I had the chance to work with and meet new amazing friends and see old ones. I got to sew with high-quality designer fabrics that pushed me to elevate my craftsmanship. I had the privilege to work with Donald Rice and the amazing Tiffany Howard, and I even got to create some fun circus costumes. But the highlight of it all? I got to make a Cheek to Cheek dress – the ultimate experience that reminded me why I fell in love with this work in the first place.
But more than anything, I truly enjoyed working alongside the entire crew in the costume shop. Over the course of the season, we built a genuine bond and stood by each other through every high and low. And just being surrounded by people who genuinely care and want to see you thrive really helped me get through those tough days.
And as I prepare to return home, I take with me some of the best times I’ve had in my life. I got here struggling with anger and anxiety. And I’m leaving stronger and more empowered. And that came from having the love and support from everyone around me this summer. Especially Tiffany, Amara, Jaime, and Jocelyn. Watching each other grow personally and professionally from the first day to the last was something truly special. Seeing the progress in our skills, our confidence, and our teamwork fills me with so much pride. What we created together this season was nothing short of amazing. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for a beautiful season, my sewing sisters, my colleagues, my dear friends. Thank you.